Lyrics to
Little Songs and Little Songs Unabridged
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Oranginess
The Geologist Song
Purple Maple Tree
The River Song
Chickadee Farm
Rollin’ Stroller Bandit
Prosimian
Back and Forth
Buttery Jingle
Lucy and the Barefoot Girls
He Talks to Animals
The Stupid Song
Old Man
Billowbrox Tan
Confidence Communiqué
Sittin' On the Can
The Bug Song
Four More Times
Last One
The Farmer John Song
The Shower Song
I’m Loving You

"Oranginess"
Ahoy ahoy and hey dar har
Travels to a land bizarre
Sailing in a little boat
Ahoy ahoy and hey dar har
Ahoy ahoy and hey dar har
Greetings from a land bizarre
I walked along a stony beach
And saw a village to the east
Then a breeze done knocked me down
I scraped my rear on rocky ground
The villagers in hasty haste
Cured my bruised and damaged place
Blessings for the derriere, for villagers and windy air!
Ahoy ahoy and hey dar har
Greetings from a land bizarre
I walked a strand of sandy land
Where oranginess was strictly banned
Then beyond the gates of town
I heard a backwoods moonshine sound
And saw a mob in hasty haste
A-brewing orange juice concentrate
Blessings for the pulp and rind, for oranginess and sweet moonshine


"The Geologist Song"
A poet by nature, a geologist by trade
He studied metamorphic rocks and sediment and clay
Society was changing but the rocks were there to stay
So he left the instability behind and went away
Far away
Alone on a mountain he started to write
Of earth and of beauty, of stars in the night
He sat in the trees to sing to the sky
He danced in the sun but then
He dreamed of the end
Of wind and rushing streams
He knew they would send
The mountains to the sea
A poet by nature, a geologist by trade
The stories from childhood said mountains don’t change
His faith had eroded like rocks into clay
So he left the instability behind and went away
Far away
He dreamed of the end
Of wind and rushing streams
He knew they would send
The mountains to the sea


"Purple Maple Tree"
I had a little thought just the other day
I thought I ought to tell you before it goes away
It all began in summertime when we were five or six
And all the kids would gather ‘round
For grandpa’s magic tricks
Underneath the purple maple tree
Remember how we had our little spots up in the tree
We slept all afternoon sometimes a way up in the leaves
We built a little treehouse and lined the floor with grass
And once we ate spaghetti there and talked about the past
Way up in the purple maple tree
Well now the tree is gone
I thought you’d like to know
But there’s another place there now
I thought that we could go
I’d like to take you out to that Italian restaurant
It’s not our little treehouse now and grandpa’s not around
But if you’re there with me at this Italian restaurant
The world would seem less different with you for company
I’d like to chase you round the yard
With swords made out of sticks
But you’re a grandpa now
With your own set of magic tricks
And our kids don’t have the purple maple tree
And we don’t have the purple maple tree


"The River Song"
The river is deep and my heart’s at the bottom
You’re flowing away from me fast
I lost you at last
I lost you at last
You’re flowing away and the water’s too fast
I watched you fall in love, I watched you fall out of it
Oh, the morning will come
When I’m happy you’re gone
When I’m happy you’re gone
I’ll sing you a song
That bids you so long
Just spreading my wings and you fly away
Fly away, you’re long on your way
I’ll sing it one day
I’ll sing it one day
When I’m long on my way


"Chickadee Farm"
I’m going to the Chickadee Farm
Where the men wear ties and the pigs wear flies
Can’t imagine what I’ll find
But I’m pretty sure it’ll be pretty fine
It might not be the place for me
But I’m getting on the train and the aeroplane
Maybe I’ll find me a honeypie-me
A-heading out, setting out for Chickadee
What’s this? What’s this?
This Chickadee Farm is not what I thought
No chickadees, no pigs no flies
There’s only a lot of men in ties
What’s this? What’s this?
This new, this interesting energy
Hormones, pheromones, flirtatious tones
I think I’ve found my home sweet home
I think I’ve found my home sweet home
Well, I’ve been a few years on Chickadee Farm
And I’ve fallen in love two or three or four times
But one thing remains a mystery
Why I like men so much older than me
There’s just something about them older men
I keep falling for them again and again
Of course I like the young ones too
But men are men because they’re men because they grew
I’m going to the Chickadee Farm
No pigs no flies only men in ties
I know exactly what I’ll find
And I’m absolutely sure it’s absolutely fine


"Rollin’ Stroller Bandit"
The Rollin’ Stroller Bandit is quite a sneaky fiend
He steals all the lollipops from the babies just to watch their mommies scream
He’s really bad and he’s really slick
You better watch your back ‘cause he might come back quick
The Rollin’ Stroller Bandit
He’s a thievin’ son of a gun
The Rollin’ Stroller Bandit on one fine and sunny day
Hid himself in a billion million thousand bales of hay
When the time was right, the bandit jumped
And landed in a stroller with a big fat thump
Just as he had planned it!
Oh the crazy Rollin’ Stroller Bandit
He rode that stroller down the hill a-going really fast
Faster than the fastest, and faster than the fast
The town was in shock at this fast attack
That left so many babies without lollipops!
The Rollin’ Stroller Bandit
He’s a thievin’ son of a gun

"Prosimian"
Hey prosimian, tell me you love me
Zip your little jacket for our walk in the park
We’ll dance in the playground
Prosimian friend
And you’ll lead us home through the dark
And you’ll lead us home through the dark
Hey prosimian, where are you going without me
Wait a sec!
Damn it!
What the heck!
Hey prosimian, what’s your opinion of me?
Hey prosimian, late at night swimmin’ with anthropoidia
I’ve been annoying ya
You should have told me and I would have changed my ways
Hey prosimian, just tell me you love me
Zip your little jacket for our walk in the park
We’ll dance in the playground
Prosimian friend
And you’ll lead us home through the dark
And you’ll lead us home through the dark


"Back and Forth"
You were thinking we were
Really something mighty special
But really we’re just like everyone else
Playing the same old game
Playing the same old game.
Back and forth…
It’s stupid and ridiculous and not to mention dumb
But somehow in spite of this it feels a little fun
You make me wrong and you feel right
I make you wrong and I feel right
Hey guess what we’re having fight
Just like a million other people
On this very night.
Back and forth…
Oh man you’re so darn serious
I can tell you’re not enjoying this
The coffee’s on the table getting
Colder colder colder colder
This flimsy table might as well
Flip itself on over
What a boring universe
Your back and forth, your back and forth
My back and forth
Back and forth…


"Buttery Jingle"
It’s the highest order of specialty wear
It won’t ever rip and it doesn’t tear
It’s got buttons and bows for fashion shows
Snaps and bells and buttons galore
It’s Buttery Jingle underwear
Buttery buttery buttery buttery
Buttery Jingle, feel the tingle!
Feel the silky slide!
Dance and wiggle in Buttery Jingle
Made for the wide world wide
Size five or four or twenty-two
Buttery Jingle’s right for you
If you dance all night with all your might
Or if you sit all day on a stack of hay!
Buttery Jingle, feel the tingle!
Feel the silky slide!
Oh, dance and wiggle in Buttery Jingle
Made for the wide world wide

"Lucy and the Barefoot Girls"
When Lucy was a little girl in Cincinnati
Her mother made her wear her shoes and socks
So she often snuck away on summer nights to watch the
Barefoot girls a-dancing on the rocks.
Well the moonlight shone as moonlight does on moonlit dancers
Their little toes all wet with midnight dew
Ah but Lucy watched the moonlit dancers from the shadows
A-wiggling restless toes inside her shoes
And oh, there goes Lucy, she’ll take her shoes off her feet one day
And oh, there goes Lucy, and she’ll dance all the nights away
Well the tweeting birds of nighttime tweeted and bullfrogs bellowed
And the dancers’ laughter echoed through the trees
Ah and Lucy on this moonlit nighttime finally took those
Shoes and socks right off her wiggling feet
Well Lucy up and tiptoed over to the rocks
and there her barefoot ecstasy began
She danced and twirled and giggled with all the barefoot girls
Oh finally there a-dancing on the rocks


"He Talks to Animals"
He talks to animals using his mind
Answering all their thoughts but never mine
Oh how he loves them all, loves them so well
I hope he spends eternity with them in hell
Oh how I wanted him, I wanted us to be
Why not me, why not me?
He’s a vegetarian—he won’t eat meat
I saw him shopping once for organic wheat
I offered once to make him some macrobiotic food
But he had just been swimming with his yoga teacher nude
He flies commercial jets over the sea
I fly on a flight of his at least once a week
One time I had to use the air sickness bag
I’d seen him in the lavatory with stewardess Mary—ughhh!
He plays the mandolin for hours every day
He loves that goshdarn instrument with all his goshdarn might
I sit and fantasize his hands will touch me too
But he’ll only touch his wooden love—no other curve will do


"The Stupid Song"
The wind don’t blow in my courtyard
The wind don’t blow through my window
The wind don’t blow in my courtyard
Let’s all have a drink
Let’s all have a drink
Well I’m pretty stupid, stupid all my life
I am the stupid one, that’s right
I get the brunt of it, don’t know what to make of it
But people say I’m dumb so it must be true
I used to try, now I ain’t tryin’
I used to lie, I ain’t lyin’
Makes my life easier but people’s gettin’ queasier
They say I’m going wrong so it must be true
I don’t know how, I’ll mess it up
I’m pretty slow—guess what
The more I try and get good, try and do what I should
It always turns out wrong so it must be true that
I’m pretty stupid, stupid all my life
I am the stupid one, that’s right
I get the brunt of it, don’t know what to make of it
But people say I’m dumb so it must be true
Well it don’t really matter, and I don’t really care
‘Cause I know how to eat, drink, and brush my hair
I know how to talk but I don’t know what to say
So I’ll talk to myself ‘cause myself likes me
The wind don’t blow in my courtyard
The wind don’t blow through my window
The wind don’t blow in my courtyard
Let’s all have a drink
Let’s all have a drink

"Old Man"
Not included in the family-friendlier version of Little Songs
When he’s on a plane, his mouth hangs ajar
While reading his books and while driving his car
Cynical yes, with a menacing gaze,
He’s a hearing-aid-wearing good-looker for his age.
The night is young; just like the women he likes to bring home.
Tuesday at the bank he met a woman named Jane
She’s only nineteen but she walks with a cane
Liberal yes, but ravenous for cash
She’s a mini-skirt-wearing seductress with an act.
The night is young; just like this woman he’s about to bring home.
He took her out to dinner, they went to his place
They drank a lot of wine, she looked at his face.
Wrinkled, uh-huh, but handsome nonetheless,
She glances at his wallet as he raises her dress.
The night is young; just like this woman he’s about to touch underneath her dress.
When he’s in a bed, his mouth hangs ajar
His hearing aid’s off, his teeth are in a jar.
Satisfied yes, but almost fast asleep
She pockets his wallet, and dashes for the street.
The night is young; just like the women he likes to bring home.
Bum, ba-bum....
The night is young; just like the women he likes to bring home.


"Billowbrox Tan"
On a winding strand of porcelaine sand
The fisherman's song did sing
That the name of the one who descends from the sun
Is the Billowbrox Tan
Hey Billowbrox Tan, Billowbrox Tan, Billowbrox
The Billowbrox Tan is the king of the sea
He dines with the fish and drinks saltwater tea
Carries the ships on gentle waves
And bides the time in castles of sand
An ancient, epic tale tells of a gale
That blew the fishes ashore
And they sprouted their arms and their legs and it's said
They returned to the sea no more
The Billowbrox Tan is the color of air
He leads all the fishes in saltwater prayer
Carries the gulls on gentle winds
And whispers the message of sun and sea


"Confidence Communiqué"
Well, he likes me and he likes me
And he likes me too.
I guess there’s only one thing left to do
And that’s feel special
Really really special
Feel really special and neat.
I’m actually important
I got my self worth
And I must be really cute and sweet.
As long as they all smile,
Make me feel worthwhile...
As long as they all love me,
If him and him and him and him and him and him and himmmm
Like me
If they all adore me
I’ll have confident security!

"Sittin' On the Can"
Not included in the family-friendlier version of Little Songs
I'm sittin' on the can with a pen in my hand
And stomach ache worse than can be
But soon it'll pass and I'll cover up my ass
Hoping next time I'll only have to pee
To life, and hey l'chaim
My crotch's oldest friend
I'm going to the toilet
And I'm staying there 'til the end
I ain't got any paper
Ain't got my dad's defribulator
And my heart's a-laughin' at the royal captain
Out in European Land

"The Bug Song"
I used to be a bug that stung
But you killed me before
I could kill you.
I would have stung you.
Well you’ve killed so many insects
And you’ve sprayed so much spray
So you’re going to die soon anyway.
Well if you don’t like it
You can try hiding out
But there’s no escaping revenge of the bugs-
The swarms will be after you soon.
It’s karma.
Well, I used to be a bug that stung
But you killed me before
I could kill you.
I would have stung you before
You could kill me.
Yeah.


"Four More Times"
Not included in the family-friendlier version of Little Songs
You were inside me but then you were through
But don’t get me wrong honey, I came too
But then you got up, you had a lot to do
But I still wanted more of you you you
So four more times, four more times,
And then another two and another nine
Send the story to the New York Times
I masturbated four more times
You were crunching your cereal so you couldn’t hear
The creaking of the mattress under my rear
You’re a businessman honey but no, not me
I’m a flint and stone fingers making heat heat heat!
Oh honey, no thanks on the tea
Oh, what’s that now—you say you can’t see?
Well it’s not so rare, honey, no it ain’t
That I steam up the windows when I masturbate

"Last One"
Not included in the family-friendlier version of Little Songs
Oh what awful timing
I tell you—I’m dying!
But I’ll live it my way!
Well my doctor was saying don’t do it
Don’t go and abuse it
Your last living day should be something for you
For me!
It’s true
And look at this I’m standing here with you
And look at this, and say
Mother went to synagogue to pray
The doc said farewell yesterday
And man I’m feeling great
And so here I am with you
And on my last day too
Just one last thing to do
La la la la la
My last time’s just gotta be with you
My last time’s just gotta be
My doctor he told me don’t do it
Don’t go and abuse it
Your last living day
And so I won’t abuse it
My last to do it
And don’t you refuse it
I want it with you
My last and final orgasm with you


"The Farmer John Song"
Farmer Johnny was a friendly man
He liked to plow and cultivate the land
He loved his tractors and always did the chores
And as the farm grew he irrigated more
Now Farmer John was simple, but not extremely so
He loved his land and he wanted it to know
So he threw out the chemicals and started learning more
Of course he kept his tractors and always did the chores
Now Lamrod came from college to work upon the farm
But he had his own ideas for Farmer John
He hated all the tractors smashin’ down the land
And wasteful irrigation and John about went mad
Because…
Lamrod was a true low-impact camper
He never built a fire or a tent
Not a fisherman or mountain biker
He wore vegan hiking boots without a tread
John, he said, I majored in environmental biology
Environmental ethics was my minor
You’re a human! So you can’t be close to the earth
So what if you’re organic if you kill groundhogs with water down the holes
Well…
Farmer John was patient, but not extremely so
He was sick of Lamrod’s intellect and moralistic show
His talk, John said, is fine in college funded by the state
But I stay afloat, John said, by doing what it takes
John said why not go to grad school and meet like-minded friends
You could study agriculture in the economic realm
Farming doesn’t suit you so leave and don’t come back
And I’ll rotavate you under if you don’t move fast
Well…
Five years later Farmer John ran into Lamrod
Who was rich, suburban, clean, and had it made
In grad school he’d learned that farming was an antiquated habit
So there he was, a commodities broker on the Chicago board of trade


"The Shower Song"
What’s the point of showering when there’s no one to smell me?
And what’s the point of getting wet if he’s just gone and left me?
‘Cause it’s a waste of water
And a waste of soap
And it’s simply crystal clear-
That if no one’s sleeping next to me
Then why should I stay clean.
Well I admit I sometimes sneak a dab of scented cream.
But never will I naked step in all that shower steam.
‘Cause it’s a waste of water
And a waste of soap
And it’s simply crystal clear-
That if no one’s sleeping next to me
Then why should I stay clean?

"I’m Loving You"
Many days and nights, many years and moons
I’ve been waiting by the wayside to hold you and caress you
Oh my dream is mighty lonesome but it’s simple and true
To hold you and caress you and love you
It could have been a love forever if only ever I’d known
But I wish you better, sweeter than when we were my love
If I had known, if I had known
To look into your eyes, to look into your eyes
I’d have looked in your eyes until I got the will
Until I got the will to love you
Let me warm you, sweetest love, embrace you sweetest love
Reveal my deepest longing for the first time since I left you
Deep within me every day, oh I know you’ve gone away
And I weep, ‘cause all alone, I’m loving you